So apparently my body is able to push the 9lb 8oz baby out but fails when it comes to completing labour.
Typical of me really to start the job -get the baby out, but not be able to finish.
How many careers have I tried and gave up since my husband has known me? There was insurance, nail technician, occupational therapist, the list honestly goes on.
Husband is probably now reminiscing and counting every penny I've spent, attempting these careers.
But I wasn't giving up, I wanted this placenta out so I can stop pushing. So I can finish this ordeal, but my best efforts came to no avail.
Allow yourself time to feel what you need to feel, to acknowledge your trauma, for the trauma it was.
I was told countless time by medical professionals "it'll hit you, it'll hit you". Something vaguely about the week 6 mark kept cropping up.
Hit me? I feel blessed, my baby is here happy and thriving, and our eldest is coming to terms with her new role as a big sister.
We were a new family of four, we barely know what day it is let alone how old our new baby is.
Then, out of nowhere it hit me. Dead on week 6.
My eldest, innocently playing with me said "I’m happy you're here mummy". She, of course meant something along the lines of she was happy I was in her room with her at that moment playing with her. But It just struck a chord with me.
It felt like a ton of bricks. I almost wasn't. I almost died. I almost wasn't here with her, with him, with any of them.
Talk to people of comfort.
Partners, friends, family, health care professionals. Say out loud to those closest to you that you experienced an unwanted, unintentional, additional trauma after the delivery of your baby.
Let it out, cry at the triggers you didn't even know would become triggers. Every time you are acknowledging it. You are accepting you have a trauma.
3. Seek validation.
Ask for a debrief at the hospital you experienced the trauma at. The location itself may be a trigger, but hearing the debrief helps put the pieces together and fills the gaps you may have blocked out.
If you found your birth traumatic, then that's what it was.